Calling his wife ‘the missus’ now is almost as bad as when a friend of mine overheard Guy Ritchie referring to his then wife, Madonna, as ‘the old lady’.If this goes on, we risk ending up with a Royal Family that has gone all East Enders and been proletarianised while another family – my money is on the Beckhams, more regal and gracious by the day – becomes royalised, and we don’t want that. The £255billion global cosmetics industry dominated by three multinationals – Procter & Gamble, Unilever and L’Oréal – grows bigger and richer by two to three per cent a year and not just by flogging gunk.The pair cover topics such as Prince William’s keenness on the game (‘it was something I could get into big time’) – and then the young Royal described movingly how much he enjoyed ‘being sat with all the Brummie fans’ at an Aston Villa match, and how football was something he could ‘connect with’. And Ed Miliband did it, too (he slipped into fluent mockney in Russell Brand’s show kitchen).The Queen, however, would never refer to the Duke of Edinburgh as ‘my old man’.He can’t get away with being down with the lads with a celebrity presenter, and also with leaving St Mary’s in Paddington without so much as a word for the press pack who’d been camped outside the Lindo Wing for days after the birth of Princess Charlotte. It flogs the notion that the ageing process can somehow magically be halted.
So worried women spend a fortune on creams advertised as perfecting, replenishing, miracle, smoothing, plumping, regenerating, etc.
When it comes to blokes, the manufacturers use a different sales pitch.
Stuff is called ‘scruffing lotion’ or ‘facial fuel’.
She knows that a lapse into demotic informality not only demeans the person you’re referring to, it lowers the honourable estate of your marriage, and it possibly damages the monarchy.
Prince William may not ascend the throne for decades and, of course, the younger royals crave normality. But there are limits to the dumbing-down of the monarchy, and I hope we have reached them with the words ‘the missus’ over the footie.
On March the 12th, he posted his last Equals 3 episode, entitled Thank You For Everything, in which he said that he would no longer be making videos for Equals 3, but that since people still liked watching it, he would start casting calls to replace him.